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Macy Muif i should stay,i'll only be in ur way,so i'll go.but i'll know i'll think of u every step of the way.we both know i'm not what u need.i hope life treats u kind.so good-bye please don't cry. |
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November 26 ThxgivingIt's thxgiving again, yet I still am not getting my answer for why been given if had destined to lose one day. Thats one of the most sarcastic jokes god ever made on us. Any ways, thxgiving day is coming, again on its way. This is one of the holidays that is supposed to be w/ family. I didn't have much feelings on it since my family were far away and the only thing that would cheer me up was about shopping around. But this year is a lil bit different, m spending it w/ my mom. She is, not one of many, just the one that i should be thankful the most. Thanks for giving me the life I am enjoying right now; thanks for always supporting me through my ups n' downs; thanks for all the understanding and tolerance toward my naive actions and thoughts; thanks for all the sacrifice you made for me n' for our family...... Thank God for giving my the chance of being your daughter. I'll pay my everything just for another split second of being w/ you and dad in the beyond. Be thankful for wut we had been given; be thankful for those wut would never get since we wont have to suffering from losing it in return.November 21 i know you miss meits almost 5:00 in the morning, but m not even sleepy since i literally slept the whole passed friday.
I have no idea why I started to skim over my recent emails.
my heart was, once again, thrilling when I was reading my conversation w/ my dad.
I can feel how bad he is missing me.
"虽然不幸的婚姻各有各的不同,但幸福的婚姻是相同的.哈哈"----爸爸
"那你是不幸啊，还是幸福啊？" "有了瑞我还有什么不幸福的,足够了. 真是头发越来越长,裤子越来越破,怎么幽默却越来越少,中美文化的差异. 幽2(一点也不可笑)"--- 加加 he was right. its not funny at all. ill never make sense of long hair w/ pants.
he was calling himself in the nickname I gave him.
im trembling, every part of me.
November 15 the past Friday, the 13thFridays on the 13th been taken as evil days by most ppl. I just personally have a superstition with the number 13 in many ways. Maybe thats b/c I m forcing myself to neglect all that i dont like, turning it the opposite way. Subconsciously, I think I'm just picking out things that I want to see. as I always do. October 28 ...why there're only 24 hrs for a day? who stipulated this!
i definately led a hectic life for the past couple of days. The answer is b/c of my procrastinative habit.
I was dreaming that I can trace bk to a point so that I won't postponed doing what I should be doing (like what im doing now) any more.
October 26 Aquarius HoroscopeI was always a trouble girl as in the way how I grown up. I have always been informed about this.
But just shocked myself by finding out how contradictory a person I am.
I deeply loved my parents so much since they are the only ppl that i can always go for and would never back off me. I got so much love for them but I never told them in a direct way. all what i ever told my mom was how much i hate about the way she speaks to me when she was expecting me to obay her "orders". I felt so sorry about many things to my parents. just failed to let the words out every sigle time. I am stubborn.
The bad thing came out to be that my personality is genetic. my this refractory character is absolutely presented by heredity from my mom.
I tried my best to understand her. she had always been a very stonger person, a powerful woman that eveyone listened to her in my family, followed her words in her company and in her every aspect of life. I found it is a very effecient way to get it solved by thinking from others' stand when something seemed hard to be understood for you. I never let her know thatI had forced myself this attempt either.
I can see how much my mom tried to change her "conservative" ideas b/c of me; I can feel how hard my parents are trying just to give me a brighter future; I can understand how pure-hearted they are to wish their daughter a healthy happy life. To me, they are the only ones have supported me through out all my ups and downs in my life. they are always there, ready to give me a warm family where I can find protection and help when I messed up w/ sth. I do feel how much they love me, and I am crystal cleared about a lot more.
As I always tell others, I am 100 percent a pure Aquiarius --- You know much about yourself and the world, but knowing everything can be an obstacle to your own happiness. I'll take w/e good and bad as being an Aquarius --- yes weirdest; yes freaky, very much; yes uncatchable as well aloof and proud.
I'm not always optimistic, actually i pretty much am a pessimistic one. although those who do not know me that well think I love to laugh and smile. or maybe i got used to hide the dark side of myself.
"Aquarius can seem somewhat detached from personal emotions. It's not that you Aquarius don't have feelings; it's just that yours are different from most others. You dance to the beat of a different drummer."
I'm an Aquiarius, I got all the characteristics, goods and bads, that comes as being an Aquarius.
I am always the one that is very hard to be dealing w/.
I only talk to ppl about stiff what I want them to know and hide all other parts which I think are not necessary to be known.
I can be very nice to ppl or be very mean and cruel since I have a venomous tongue.
I can do everything in two contradictory ways. in which of these two altenative ways m going is all depend on if that i wanted to or i don't.
I'm 21, i feel so lucky that to some extent m young and I'm still learning, about everything, from every aspect in my life. I still got a long way to go, got a lot to learn to improve on.
But I am who I am, I accept where im at in life right now. My mom always advise i'm too young to be doing all these things that im dealing w/, and that's the reason why I got these problems and troubles I dont have to take. I can easily avoid all those by taking less responsibilities and being a lil more selfish. but she has no idea how i came to be this way in these three yrs away from her protection.
I have no regrets. Im not ashamed about who I am and what I had done. my past has made me a stronger person. some say im too young to be talking about experience and life. who can claim himself to be an experienced w/o past experiences. If I messed something up, I'll fix it, I'll take all the blame and w/e the consequence comes out to be. I'll learn from all these life lessons.
I can't be a mommy's girl forever, althrough I never actually was
I have a flimsy completism orientation. yes, m a impure completist.
I love flowers, madly. Lavender, rose, bloomingdale and w/e dazzling. but no flower that never fades. as time passes by, they languishes slightly. blooms to me is just like girls to guys. I dont wanna see the moment it loss its shine.
I love extreme colors, black n' white. but i also have a lot things in any partern of pink. thats a weird match.
I can be a vegetarian for quite a long time. sometimes i just wish i can finish a whole cow.
I am absolutely a collectionholic. you can easily tell how much I am by informing how long that took me to collect all the Anna Sui perfume.
I can really spend days listing out all my contradictory points as being a pure Aquarius.
I guess that's the route how I've come to the point in my life where I'm living at this moment. m not trying to change anything about myself. everyone judges, I understand. but if you want to get to know me, plz leave all your judgements aside at this point. if anything really clashed w/ ur principles, I do give you options---either accept what im look like or distance away .
I have no idea why these cynical thoughts flows out like water at 4:00 am when im supposed to be night dreaming w/ my mom. its such a peaceful night, wut the heck is wrong w/ me??? |
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